Adjusting to College: Building Meaningful Relationships
Amy Baldwin, EdD, Senior Lecturer, Literacy and Academic Success Department of Student Transitions, University of Central Arkansas
Walk into any first-year college classroom before it is set to begin and you will invariably find most students quietly passing the time staring at technology in their hands or on their desks. It often takes an enterprising faculty member who wants to break through the zombie-gaze to get students engaged and interacting with each other.
Research has shown us that first-year students benefit from developing meaningful relationships with their peers (Cheong, Gauvain, & Palbusa, 2021). However, students will often find it difficult to get to know others in their classes, at least initially, because some professors leave little time for intentional interactions.
The need for developing meaningful relationships is broader than allowing students the opportunity to get to know each other. It can include interacting with professors and communicating effectively with parents and family. Undeniably, , strong, healthy, and communicative relationships can affect a student’s academic success (Delaney, 2008; Weintraub & Sax, 2018).
First-Year Seminars can provide excellent opportunities to help students develop the skills needed to interact, communicate, and get to know others more deeply. It does not have to take much instruction or activity time, however, to give students a chance to learn how to manage the relationships they have with confidence. In fact, here are a few road-tested, student-approved exercises for building meaningful relationships that can be easily integrated into a course.
Small Talk Exercise—Based on Arthur Aron’s et al (2000) “Fast Friends” activity, students are paired together and given a list of questions for each “round” of conversation. Each round is timed for at least 6 minutes to ensure that each student has the chance to choose a question to answer. If the initial question is answered before time is up, the students are directed to choose another question and take turns until the end of the round. The purpose of this exercise is to help students get past the “awkward” stage of making small talk. Students find that answering questions about themselves breaks down the barriers between them and their classmates. This activity has been rated highly by students.
Professor Emails and Check-ins—Encouraging students to use professors’ “office hours” is an important first step in developing a vital academic relationship. This activity aims to help students to feel more comfortable with reaching out when they need help. Students are given example emails in which a student requests to meet with a professor. Discussing that “office hours” are really “student hours” and why relationships with professors are crucial to success can provide a lens by which to review the emails. Examples of potential student requests include the following:
A call for help with an assignment
A question about how to improve a grade
An invitation to talk about career plans
A request for a letter of recommendation
An meeting to discuss internship or research opportunities
Students can then write their own email to the professor to request a meeting and follow through with the meeting as part of the assignment.
Letter to Family—In this activity, students are asked to choose a topic from a list of suggestions that may be something they want to share with their family. They are then asked to compose a short “letter to the family” in which they:
Identify and describe the topic
Share why the topic is important to them
Indicate how their family can support them or convey gratitude for their support.
Examples of topics include the following: A class they find interesting, a new friend or connection they have made, a time in which they were “brave” and did something challenging, or a career path they are considering. Students are not required to send the letter.
The purpose of this kind of communication is to help first-year students articulate what their experiences are to help them continue to build solid relationships with their support system.
Building Your Support Network—This activity requires students to identify and describe their own personal support network. Students are asked to identify at least two people, characteristics, or resources from the following categories:
Family and Friends (Choose those who are truly supportive)
Campus Resources (Choose those that are integral to success)
Campus Connections (Choose two who work on campus that can be supportive)
Personal Strengths (Choose two that are the ones most relied on for success)
After students have identified two resources or people in each category, they are asked to write a brief reflection on how each will help them in college. One variation of this exercise is to ask students to identify first two potential obstacles or setbacks to completing their degree and then record who and what will help them get through it.
The purpose of this exercise is to help students visualize the network they may already have that can help them weather the ups and downs of college. It also may challenge students to find other people, resources, and skillsets they need to strengthen their networks. For many first-year students, they may not initially see the people on their campus (e.g., an advisor, a peer coach, a professor, a Resident Assistant) as people who are there to help them.
Conflict Role Plays— Building meaningful relationships involves mitigating conflicts. This activity provides short, specific conflicts that any student may face. Students are paired with a series of scenarios for roommates, family, and classmates. One student acts as the person with the conflict to manage and the other is the person causing the conflict for the student. Students take turns playing the role of conflict manager (the “you” in the scenario) and are directed to describe what has happened, share how it makes them feel, and propose a potential solution. The following are examples of scenarios:
Roommate: It is 3:00 a.m., and your roommate is talking on the phone, very loudly, in your room. You have to get some sleep, because you have an 8:00 class the next morning
Family: You have expanded your viewpoints about certain issues that are in direct contradiction to what your family values.
Classmate: Your classmate won’t stop talking to you during class and it is getting you in trouble and keeps you from listening.
The purpose of this exercise is to normalize managing conflict. Many students share that they would rather ignore or, unfortunately, yell at the other person rather than address the issue constructively. The more practice they can get with working through common conflicts and frustrations, the easier it gets when they must face them.
Developing meaningful, solid relationships will take longer than one afternoon or one semester, but these exercises can quickly plant the seeds that students need to begin practicing good relationship behaviors such as getting to know others through “small talk,” identifying the importance and function of relationships with professors, sharing their experiences in college with family, building a strong network, and managing conflict when it arises. The authentic relationships they cultivate during the college journey will help them reach their goals with confidence.
References
Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273.
Cheong, Y., Gauvain, M., & Palbusa, J. A. (2021). Communication with friends and the academic adjustment of first-and non-first-generation students in the first year of college. Journal of College Student Retention: Research, Theory & Practice, 23(2), 393-409.
Delaney, A. M. (2008). Why faculty-student interaction matters in the first year experience. Tertiary Education and Management, 14, 227-241.
Weintraub, D. S., & Sax, L. J. (2018). The relationship between student–parent communication and first-year academic performance. The Journal of the National Academic Advising Association, 38(1), 61-76.
Amy Baldwin, Ed.D. is a Senior Lecturer of Academic Success and Literacy. She is the co-author of Promoting Belonging, Growth Mindset, and Resilience to Foster Student Success (Stylus, 2020). Follow her for tips on teaching first-year college students on Instagram @thecuriousprofessor.